Articles Featuring Ann Marie

Learn To Listen

Master the art of listening and you'll be a better friend, co-worker,

and person.

BY MEAGAN FRANCIS

Conversation is usually a give and take, but many people either take

or tune out. Takers tend to jump in with stories about their exes

when you confide your relationship

LEARN TO FOCUS: If you're juggling a hundred tasks, it's easy for your mind to wander

during a conversation. Meditation is a good way to sharpen your focus, says Ann-Marie

McKelvey, L.P.C.C., a life coach in Santa Fe, N.M., who suggests choosing a simple two-

word phrase like just this, and saying it every day, inhaling the first word and exhaling the

second. By disciplining your mind to focus on the here and now, you can stay in the

moment without distraction and tune in more deeply, says McKelvey.

RESIST THE URGE TO INTERRUPT: Even if you're offering solid advice or genuine

empathy, interrupting makes the conversation about you, not about the person who's

trying to tell you something. Instead of asking yourself, "What do I want to say next?" ask

yourself, "How can I listen in a way that will support this person?" suggests Kay Lindahl,

author of The Sacred Art of Listening (Skylight Paths Publishing, 2004). That shifts the

focus of the conversation from you to the person talking—where it truly belongs.

EMBRACE SILENCE: Many of us feel uncomfortable when there's a break in

conversation, and we often rush to fill it. To get more comfortable with silence, Lindahl

suggests taking time each day to be intentionally quiet—no music, television, or talking.

Then you can let silence

PRACTICE: Every conversation is an opportunity to flex your listening muscles. It isn't

always easy but it's worth it. After all, says life coach McKelvey, "The greatest gift we can

give anyone is to truly listen."