Ann Marie's deep love of writing covers many aspects of life
Ann Marie's book review of "EMDR Solutions" in the "Journal of EMDR Practice &
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Below is a piece Ann Marie wrote for the August 2008 Newsletter for the New Mexico
Association for Spiritual, Ethical and Religious Values in Counseling.
Brother David: The Ring of Gratitude
Upaya Zen Center, May, 2008 — The very first thing I noticed about Brother David
Steindahl-Rast was his hands. Upon entering Upaya House he bowed, reverently greeting
each of us with palms together and fingers pointed upwards. This fundamental mudra is
known as gassho. For me it is a reminder to open to the strong abiding presence of deep
gratitude and respect within each other and our environment.
Brother David is an 82 year old Benedictine monk, Zen practitioner and global social
activist. For decades his primary spiritual practice has been gratitude.
“Brother David,” I asked one evening, “what is the most important ingredient in
cultivating gratitude?”
“Surprise!” he answered with an enthusiastic gesture and grin. It was then I noticed
and brought his attention to an unusual ring he was wearing made out of mala beads from
India.
Brother David said he personally had made the ring and the Dhalai Lama had worn it
the week before. In exchange he had given Brother David his prayer beads to use. Later
the two traded back.
With a twinkle in his eyes he took the mala ring off his finger and put it on mine. He
said, “This is a ring that has had good company. I want you to have it.”
There it was; the element of surprise. Was I grateful? Indeed!
“Is it possible to always be grateful?” I asked.
“Yes,” Brother David responded, “We can be grateful for the opportunity that each
event gives us. If we are in gratitude training to avail ourselves of the opportunities to
enjoy whatever is presented to us, we can purposely look for the gifts.
“Ask, ‘What is this opportunity for?’ The answer will cause you to grow. In
retrospect, all our life experiences are wonderful opportunities for growth.”
“We tend to think joyful people are grateful for having so much joy. But it’s actually
more simple than that. Grateful people are joyous because they are grateful.”
In the process of self-actualizing, I often become somewhat narrow, perhaps even
selfish, with my energy as I forget to nourish myself to counterbalance the work I do in
the world. It is during
these times I remind myself (when I come out of the trance) to seed and water the Field
of Gratitude.
Are you looking for ways to practice gratitude?
One simple and profound gratitude practice is feeling and following the beat-beat-beat
of your heart. I do this each morning prior to sitting on my cushion to meditate. I invite
you to embrace the wonderment and gratitude of your aliveness by finding your pulse and
feeling your blood pulsate through your precious human body.
Below are additional simple processes to evoke your Field of Gratitude.
1. Create a Gratitude Journal. Each morning write down five different aspects in your
life that you are grateful for.
2. Practice looking at people and the world with eyes that say, “Surprise me!”.
Notice what arises.
3. What makes you come alive? What do you want to dedicate your fullness to? For
one day contribute the answer you receive to the world.
4. How shall you seed and water your Field of Gratitude?
5. Self-connect by asking if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely and/or Tired. If you are
experiencing any one of these four characteristics HALT. Nourish yourself and then
consciously move back into the Field of Gratitude by writing in your Gratitude Journal.
6. Write a Gratitude Letter expressing to someone in your past something they did
that made a difference in your life.
7. Go to your favorite spot in the forest, mountains, or shores. Sit down with your
pen and paper and write about what you see. Let yourself be surprised.
8. Make your vessel of expectations smaller so that it will overflow with gratitude. So
that it will overflow with Spirit.
9. Read spiritual writings s-l-o-w-l-y. Let the words send you back into the silence
from where they came.
“Blessings” by Ron Wallace was one of the poems Brother David read last Spring. May
you be surprised!
Blessings by Ron Wallace
Blessings occur.
Some days I find myself
putting my foot in
the same stream twice;
leading a horse to water
and making him drink.
I have a clue.
I can see the forest
for the trees.
All around me people
are making silk purses
out of sows' ears,
getting blood from turnips,
building Rome in a day.
There's a business
like show business.
There's something new
under the sun.
Some days misery
no longer loves company;
it puts itself out of its.
There's rest for the weary.
There's turning back.
There are guarantees.
I can be serious.
I can mean that.
You can quite
put your finger on it.
Some days I know
I am long for this world.
I can go home again.
And when I go
I can
take it with me.
For more information on Brother David please go to his website at
Ann Marie McKelvey, LPCC, PCC, EMDR Consultant and MentorCoach International
Trainer is in her first year of the Chaplaincy Program at Upaya Zen Center focusing on
peacemaking, environmental studies and compassionate end of life care. While coaching
Ann Marie utilizes Positive Psychology, EMDR and Nonviolent Communication as well as
art, humor, and nature to co-actively enhance the lives of her clients. She is currently
contributing to EMDR Solutions II: Depression, Eating Disorders, Performance and
More to be published in Spring, 2009 by W.W. Norton Publishing. Her focus will be on
“EMDR and Positive Psychology” as well as “EMDR and Coaching”.
